


Heads or Tails

by Ztwin



Series: Cat Nap [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Animal Transformation, Cat John, Cat John Sheppard, Cat McKay, Cat Rodney, Cat Rodney McKay, Cat Sheppard, Crack, Gen, I'm having fun, Not Beta Read, This is turning out to be way longer then I intended, but like I really like writing and reading, crack fic turned legit, guys I'm slightly dyslexic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 16:58:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ztwin/pseuds/Ztwin
Summary: The scientists have set to work trying to reverse the affects of the ancient tech. In the meen time the Daedalus is due and John needs to address a few things with the incoming marines.





	Heads or Tails

Rodney was going to yell himself horse if he kept this up. In between berating Zelenka about the fact he was wrong and fending off any of the scientist who were brave enough to try and approach him for a pet he was starting to feel strained. He couldn’t re-energies with caffeine- as a previous cat owner he knew it was poisonous, and those three hours of sleep where really catching up on him. He refused to give into the need to hide under his desk and catch a quick nap, he may look like a cat but he refused to behave like one!

At some point Sheppard had shown up. Rodney wasn’t to sure when, he had just turned around and John had long since made himself comfortable sprawled across Rodney paperwork, his tail twitching contently. The Major did nothing to fend off the hands of Rodney’s staff, merly watching with half lidded eyes whenever Rodney chased away anyone that managed to get in a few pets.

“If you keep encouraging them they won't ever stop!” Rodney growled at Sheppard after chasing off another offender.

“Come on Mckay,” John sayed, stretching his arms out in front of him and standing up, “It’s not their fault, there are suddenly two cats on Atlantis, and everyone's a little pet-starved.”

“Yes, but we aren't pets! We are full grown men and just because you like lazing about letting people touch you doesn't mean I like to be! Why don’t you get your fuzzy butt out of my lab Kirk!” Rodney tapped a paw on the table-the closest he could do to an aggressive snap(or hand gesture of any kind).

John gave the cat equivalent of a shrug, “Why don’t you take a break. It’s dinner time, we should go eat with Teyla and Ronon.”

“Uh-no! I am doing very important work trying to get us back to human,” Rodney retorted, fluffy tail lashing.

“As far as I can tell all you have been doing is yell at Zelenka since I came by.”

“I have not!”

“Yes you have,” Zelenka said pushing his glasses up his nose, “I would be making much fast progress if I did not have to stop and do things for you on your laptop.”

“See,” John grinned, still an odd gesture from a cat, “Now you might be a cat but I’m sure your still needing to eat or you will pass out from manly hunger, and you can't eat a powerbar, I’m pretty sure those aren't good for cats. So let's go get diner. Then I want you to go back to your room and get some sleep, you look ready to drop.”

“Yes, well I suppose I am feeling a bit peckish and tired,” Rodney sniffed, jutting his chin in the air. “Zelenka I want a full report in the morning.”

With that Rodney leapt down onto the floor with far more grace then he had had several hours ago. John followed on his heels, landing next to him lightly. It was still slightly disorientating seeing the world from such a low angle, like he was laying on the floor. When he had been on the table Rodney could at least pretend evering thing was alright. Giving his head a slight shake he trotted to catch of with the Major who was already opening the door and exiting the lab.

They fell into step, Rodney on Johns right. Rodney did his best to ignore the stares, trying to play it cool and collected like Sheppard, but well he’s Rodney, and he couldn’t help a few sharp retorts to anyone who stared just a little too long. 

What would have been a quick two minute walk when they where human was a good ten minute walk as cats. The could have used a transporter, but the fact John and him only came to mid shin in hight made the small space extremely daunting with so much traffic flow, so when Rodney opted to walk John has happily agreed and followed the sandy tabby towards the diner hall.

Teyla and Ronon where already seated at a table eating their diner when Rodney and John entered. Rodney stared forlornly at the lesonga that was being served and followed Sheppard over to the table, leaping easily onto the high surface. 

“Good evening Doctor Mckay, Major Sheppard” Teyla bowed her head in greeting,” Have you made any progress with the device?”

“Zelenka and I have made some progress, but it would definitely be going much fast if I had thumbs,” Rodney sniffed.

“And if his scientist would stop trying to pet us,” John teased trying(and failing) to steal a piece of meat from Ronons lesonga. “Teyla, could you by chance get us something? I think Weir put a word in with the chef so there might be something for us already.”

“I will go see,” Tayla said standing up.

John made another attempt for Ronons food. His paw was swatted with a plastic fork.

The chef had made two little bowl full shredded fish, caught that morning. Rodney had stuck his nose up at the idea of eating raw fish, but gave in when his stomach gave a loud growl. The fish was cool on his tongue, tasting of sea salt and well, fish. It was oddly refreshing so Rodney settled down onto his belly, tucking his forpaws under his chest and ate his food.

Rodney finished his food before everyone else, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. Licking his lips he sprawled out on his side, occupying most of the empty space on the table. It wasn’t till a minute later when Sheppard finished his bowl of fish and pointed it out that Rodney realized he had been abselty grooming his face with a paw.

“Disgusting,” Rodney barked throwing his paw away from his face mid pass.

“Come on Mckay,” John drawlled stretching, “There's nothing wrong with a little self grooming.”

The amusement was not even hidden in this voice. The fur along Rodney’s spine stood on end and he rose to his feet, tail lashing. “I’m going to bed,” he spat.

“Awe come on Mckay, don’t be like that,” John called after him, still sounding way to amused.

The walk to his room took longer than the one from the lab to the dining hall. Rodney didn’t hold himself back from yelling at anyone who crossed his path, whether it was to practically spit insults at a marine that had nearly stepped on him, or just to shout his frustrations at a linguist who tried to pet him. By the time he finally got to his room Rodney's fur was all on end and a deep growl was coming from him in a never ending stream.

His room was a disaster, when he was human he viewed it all as an organised mess, but from where he stood now with random piles of things towering over him it looked like anything could topple over and crippled him for life. Snarling loudly he threw himself up onto his bed and took his pent up anger and stress out on his pillow. 

He wasn’t even sure why he was so angry. Tired and stressed made sense but the anger and frustration of the situation was even a bit much for him. His angry growls slowly diminished in to frustrated yowls and then to just pitiful high noises. Rodney curled up in a tight ball and tucked his fluffy tail over his face. Well if there was something cool that came out of this mess it was he was more flexible then he had ever been in his life.

 

Rodey was a little surprised when he woke to sunlight streaming through his window. He had figured he would sleep a few hours at most them be up and ready to tear around Atlantis at two in the morning like an average cat, but it turned out he got a surprisingly refreshing full night of sleep. He went about getting around with energy he didn’t usually have till his third cup of coffee- again surprising. 

The first order of business was finding a way to relieve himself. Atlantis had toilets similar to the ones on Earth and he had seen a video of a cat that had been trained to use one so it couldn’t be too hard for a genius like him to figure it out. He was quite proud of the fact he managed to relieve himself with only one slip up where he nearly went swimming in the toilet bowl. Rodney contemplated turning on the water and taking a shower, but decided against it after the thought of having walking around looking like a drowned rat while he waited for his fur to dry. Brushing his teeth was completely out of the question so he left his room in search of food.

Rodney stocked the quiet early morning halls with his chin and tail high in the air. He was in a much better mood then when he went to bed and he was perfectly fine with that. Yes he was irked he was still a cat, and he couldn’t really help much with the process of getting himself and Sheppard back to humans, at least he could still yell at his scientist, it would be all for not if he had lost his ability to speak english.

 

He got his breakfast, one of the kitchen staff setting out another bowl of fish for him to eat. He eat greedily as people began to trickle into the dining hall. Ronon and Teyla joined him as he was licking up the last of his fish. 

“Good morning Doctor Mckay,” Teyla greated him putting her tray down on the table.

“Good morning,” Rodney said sitting up.

“You are in a better mood?” Teyla asked.

“Yes,” Rodney curled his tail over his paws and Teyla tracked the motion with her eyes,” I slept pretty good actually and I’m feeling really good even though I’m not aloud any coffee.”

“That is good Rodney,” Teyla smiled at him, “you seemed very upset last night. I am happy you are in better spirits.”

“Can I pet you?” Ronon cut into the conversation suddenly.

“Why in the world would I let you do that?” Rodney hissed.

The big man shrugged his shoulders, “Sheppard let me feel his fur and I just want to see the difference between yours and his. Sheppard’s fur is kinda like silk, just wanted to see what yours was like.”

Rodney stared at Ronon for a long moment before sniffing indignantly. “Make it quick,” he said turning his head away and thumping his tail against the table. Ronon grinned and reached out to pet him. His hand completely covered Rodney’s head as he did a single pass from his face and down his neck and back. Once he was done Ronon sat back with a hum.

“Well?” Rodney snapped shaking his fur out.

“You are a softer then Sheppard,” Ronon said taking a mouth full of his food.

“Yes, well now that you have established that I am softer then Major Sheppard I am off to make sure my people are actually working and being productive.” Rodney stopped to stare at his bowl, he didn’t want to just leave it there.

“I will take your bowl with me when I am done,” Teyla said.

“Ah, thank you Teyla,” Rodney said and she bowed her head in response. He leapt off the table with ease and left the dining hall.

 

He felt stupid. If there was one thing Rodney really hated it was feeling stupid. He felt stupid, he looked stupid, and the fur along the back of his neck was beginning to stand on end in irritation. He had managed to get one of the scientists to turn on a tablet and leave him with a stylist, and he was determined to get some work done. 

But holding the stylist in his paw was proving to be extremely difficult. Rodney’s paw was big enough to get ahold of the electronic pen, holding like a five year old might hold a crayon. The part that was making him feel stupid was the fact he couldn’t get anything done fast without sending the stylist flying and then having to go retrieve it.

“Rodney,” Zelenka said approaching the table where he was working.

“What?” Rodney spat.

The wild haired scientist raised an eyebrow and straightened his glasses, “a senior staff meeting has been called. I was told to tell you.”

“Oh,” Rodney cleared this throat and dropped the stylist from his paw, “thanks for telling me. I’ll just leave this here and get going then.”

He would never admit it but Rodney was more than happy to escape from the lab and the eyes of his staff. The walk to the conference room gave him a chance to flatten out his fur and squash some of the annoyance at his current form, leaving him far more composed when he entered the large room.

Most of the senior staff was already pleasant and Rodney quickly made his way to his chair. Sheppard was already seat in his chair to the right of Rodney’s, sitting back on his haunches with his forepaws on the tabletop, giving the impression he was ready for the meeting to start (but in reality he just looked really ridiculous). 

Leaping up into his chair Rodney surveyed the room with disinterest. Elizabeth cleared her throat calling attention to herself as the last senior staff member- a xenobiologist Rodney couldn’t be bothered to recall his name, took his seat.

“Good afternoon everyone,” Dr. Weir started, “ as you all know in about an hour and half the Daedalus is due to be in orbit.”

“Have they been brought up to speed on our current predicament?” Asked Zelinka.

All eyes were momentary cast to the two large cats sitting attending the meeting. “I personally contacted Colonel Caldwell and informed him there was an incident involving our head of military and science.” Wear smiled diplomatically. “ I said it will be resolved shortly and that he has no need for worry as both are still capable of seeing to their responsibilities.”

Rodney quietly snorted to himself as he settled farther back in his chair. “Capable of doing there jobs” his ass. Wile yes he could still make sure his charges got their work done he couldn’t get any done himself. John at least had already pawned the majority of his work load off the Lorne ages ago, so all he would have to worry about is making sure his soldiers would take orders from a large, gangly back cat.

The meeting dragged on for another twenty minutes. Everyone confirming there weren't any pressing matter that need to be discussed and that everything as ready for the new wave of wet behind the ears staff members they would be receiving off the Daedalus. With just over an hour to finish any last minute things before the arrival of the Daedalus the meeting ended and the senior staff splitting off.

 

“Major Lorne,” Sheppard called jogging after his departing second- dam these shorter legs.

“How can I help you, sir?” Lorne asked slowing his pace so John could fall into step with him.

“I’ve got a favor to asked,” he said glancing up at Lorne.

The Major cocked an eyebrow, he had a feeling this wasn’t really a favor but more of an order coming in the form of a friendly request.

“Could you- um,” John jumped up on a set of crates sitting against the wall, making himself chest level with the major, “Could you gather all new military personal in the gym once everyone is unloaded? I'd like to let everyone know that just because Mckay and I are stuck like this for the time being I won't be tolerating any funny business.”

“Of course, sir.” Lorn smiled.

 

 

As soon as the Daedalus docked Major Lorne made sure it was know all military personnel had a mandatory gathering in the mane gym and whent to set up. He stacked a few boxes on top of eachother and set a small mat on top so that the Colonel could address everyone at eye level. He made sure that Sheppard was situated on his pedestal just before the new personnel began to trickle in.

The first few looked at Lorne standing at attention next to Colonel Sheppard with curiosity but went to stand in the open space provided for them. As more soldiers came into the gym a few gutsy marines approached to coo at and pet the Colonel. Lorne watched in mild amusement and horror as Sheppard took the pets with calculated, hooded eyes. To everyone else he probably looked like a cat playing aloof, but Lorne had know the Colonel for a good chunk of time and he knew that look, even on a cat's face, and he knew those three stupid marines had just set them self in the Colonel’s crosshairs.

“All right,” Lorne said once the last few marines came through the doors. “ Welcome to Atlantis soldiers. I am Major Lorne, I am the second in command to the head of military Colonel Sheppard. The Colonel has asked for me to gather you all here because there are a few things he wants to cover before you are assigned your positions. With that being said I’ll leave the rest of the talking up to him.”

There was a moment of silence, the marines glancing around for their commanding officer in confusion. Lorne watched in amusement as Sheppard milked the awkward silence for all it was worth before rising to his feet. His movement drew the eyes of everyone as the stood unsurely at attention for their hidden Colonel.

“So let's get one thing clear from the get go,” John said with cheshire smile. Most of the marines started, flinching back at the talking cat, and the three who had come up to pet him visibly paled. “I am Colonel John Sheppard, head of military here on Atlantis and your commanding officer. 

“There was an incident offworld yesterday involving myself and the head of the science department. What happened is reusable but until the meantime in Dr. Mckay and myself are stuck looking like this. This does not mean I will take any disrespect, whether it directed at myself or Dr. Mckay.” He paused sharp eyes cutting through the three merines that had pet him and cooed at him. “Mckay is just as capable as I am at sending you back to Earth, we are here to protect our scientist and if I find you harassing their head or any other staff member I will personally see to your return.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oh dam! John wont take any shit from his men when it comes to his and Rodney's situation. Also I will begin nudging this towards John/Rodney because I adore them and I want them to be happy. 
> 
> Sorry this took so long to upload!
> 
> Leave comments and Kudos <3


End file.
